My First Pregnancy Was My First Miscarriage

Trigger Warning: miscarriage, loss, grief.  The content and images below may elicit strong emotional responses.

At least 1 in 5 known pregnancies end in miscarriage (the loss of a pregnancy before the 20th week), but no one ever really talks about it.  At least, not until you share your sad news.  Only then will you start hearing stories from sisters, mothers, aunts, friends…

So I want to share my story to open up the dialogue, to break the taboo surrounding miscarriage, to share real information on the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of the process, and to connect with those who have gone through or are going through this right now.

This. is. real. fucking. life.  Let’s talk about it.

 

 

Friday December 2nd.  That’s when it started – at a friend’s house.  I was 12 weeks in.

We found out I was pregnant just before week 5.  Into week 6, I started spotting, which we later learned was when the baby stopped growing.  By week 8, I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage, and was given options for a natural miscarriage, medical induction, or surgical management.

I knew the best option for me was to wait for my body to miscarry naturally, but I honestly had no idea what to expect.  I opened up to my closest family and friends, but no one had ever been in my situation.  No one could tell me about the agonizing wait, the shocking blood loss, what to do after passing my baby in tact, or how to process it all.

So I turned to the internet.  Here are some resources I used to help me navigate this extremely difficult process:

Below is a raw and deeply personal collection of written word, photography, and artwork documenting and honoring my pregnancy, my miscarriage, my grief, and my body-mind-soul throughout.

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